You~

When your around me, i found a smile always on my face, i giggle for you, i dress up for you, i walk properly for you, i stare you in your eyes as your the star of my life. But when your not around me, i found that every person or car that pass by me, i imaging of your image all around me. When i see a my vy, i look at the driver isn't you? When i saw a person wearing yellow t-shirt i think of yours. When i see a person wear slipper, i will think of you. Is that love? Or isn't just you? ~

Jus another day of everything.

Often in life we met people who want to make us down, they often take chances to boom us, but remember one thing when u met these people, God is looking from above. They used their finger to point at us, but they don't realized that there is still 4 fingers pointing at themselves.

while maybe people just cant see that others live a better life than them. For their friendships build on lies, joules, make used of friends. They might not realize it, but they are doing so just to get benefit from another party. No matter how high they live, but without their respects to others they are just poor as beggars. How high they can reach is just the limit of low dignity.

They can act so nice and good to others, but inside there is nothing but hatred, joules, evil toughs. They run on circles, can't find their way out to live up. Life is much more better without them, but without them we might not see how much we grow, and how much further we can go.

Is in my blood...

Is been a long time since i pray so hard till my eyes see vision and speak the blessed word from God. I'm real don't deserved it, i'm nobody, i'm a servant a dog of God, thats what i am. But, i still remember once my pastor was sending a msg to us, where God does not choose the big people, God choose the small people to do great things.

My hands are shaking till my heart beat increasing...when i read the bible story book to my sister and her baby in her womb. I know how strong is the word of God, even if i'm scared i will continue to praise His word's. It means so much to my sister, when i see her eye's, i know that God is making way for her and her family in law's to get closer to God.

Every night when i hold her hand for praying, i hear and see visions from God. Tonight from my mouth, God's words reach me by telling "For this baby is the key for her and her in laws her husband to get near to God". A word that i never think of using, when i say it i felt peace in me, i know at that point is from God. Till now i'm still shaking,but i will say out loud, even if a knife is held on my neck.

God, i know Your Almighty is here with my all the time, please make a way for me to go back to you. I know i'm not worthy, i know i'm not good enough, but please let me stand up for You my King,my Lord. I'm lost without you...

A friend who is in need..

Was looking trough my blog list of friends, i found her blog in my list, from her language and words she shown that she is a well educated girl, maybe a bit rumble at times in life , but she is still holding on.

I never known her well in this 2years time, to me she is just a friend who sit beside me at class. But one day , a person told me regarding her condition at the college, she is slimming down a lot. I notice at times, i told her to take care of herself, but it seem she is not that concern. From that person i talk to, i realize she has treated me as a good friend since we know each other. i was shock at time, but when i recall back she does like to talk with me at times, and i'm been caring for her that which i don't realize, maybe to me is just a simple words of caring, but to her i been a nice person to her. Funny how things turn out between us, i made a good friend, when i don't realize it.

I head back home that day and lay on my bed, thinking a head of what the person has said, she has treated me as a good friend, i should be more concern about her too. I started to think bout plans to know her more, maybe go shopping with her, or even have movies together. But all this is just thinking, the most important thing to me is how to approach her. How to let a person understand that i'm coming towards you to be you friend? I'm real confused...

Maybe when i meet her, i should be able to come clean with her, i just want to let her know i want to be your friend not based on what others has told me, but i i want to be your friend as a a friends. Words is not easy to come out sometime right? Just let time tell us.

Life at this point...

Life at this point is well, all goes fine, lots of support from my family and friends. Study is fine, practical i done my best, life i'm controlling with rational doing. But, when all this is proceeding well, i started to think of my future as a working personal in the hospital, so much to plan and think, to achieve.

At that moment i wanted more, i believe i can do it, is just the matter of time.Discuss it with my family member, mum told me is a great planning, at my age i'm doing well and life is not much of a problem as a student now. But, from my sister she saids that "your plan is good, but you might never know what is a head of you". As she says, it does bring up points that life is not a straight path way, is full of ups and downs. When come to think of it early planning involved lots of thinking and planning, i started to think over and over again, maybe i'm too rushing over my future, i might not known what will happen to me tomorrow. Life is short just go with it!

Friends...

Well, when things come to this limit, is really hard to manage anymore. People are often offensive, to protect their rite, is nothing wrong with that, just listen to what they have to say. But it does not mean they are right, and neither u are right.

Childish is sometimes a word of insult, but don't worry God will take in the word of insult. Just being a normal you will be fine, cause all this hardship is a part of life. Whatever things has to happen is God's plan, nothing is to change, because God has been to tomorrow before we reach there.

Tired? Maybe, really don't think that this is a right way to deal with it. So just let it be, if i'm wrong i know what to do, but if someone is wrong just let it go God will know how to deal with them. You may not change what a person thinks, but you can build up the trust in yourself. Nothing is worth to argue when you still treat them as friends.

I'm sry..

When things start to be good in our life, people tends to forget their God..

I'm one of the people that forgets,how God used to hold my hand and pass through the painful, cruel journey in my life..i still remember once i was so depress in a point that lose my faith to my King..i release my temper in many ways to insult God, but eventually i'm embarrassing myself..i still can felt that the tear from above that pours on me when i say all the insulting words i had made...

I often do a lots of "sinful" stuff in my life, i curse, i'm angry most of the time. And i end up embarrassing myself to other n God when i do that... I felt so stupid at times i wanted to throw away my shame and pride which does not exist in God's eye. I often forget the humbleness,the faith, the love that i once produce to my King and Lord. When i try to stand up on my feet and reach for God, my body stops me due to temptation, i know i'm in a wrong direction, but i don't seem to repent on what i'm doing..i admit i'm a sinner.

God, please plan me a way to redeem my humbleness to You, i'm so tired of walking blindly and don't look into You plans for me, i maybe strong on outside, but within me i'm weak and full of sins. God, i know i'm not alone, Your always here for me, but i'm indeed a lost sheep who could not find her way back home..i'm in the dark bush, i need light to show me the right path home...

I bend my knees and look to the stars above, and i know God is looking above to me...God, i'm sorry that i'm such a sinner who brings back scar and wound to You for healing, but i run away again once i'm heal up..

Bye Ken...

To my memory i meet u on 2008 July...You were this high school guy with a beg walking in to the shop i was working...where at that time i can say i'm just a elder sister..

To me, my first impression to you was that i felt you were so connected to me,and cause me do have Delusion that like wise we know each other for a long long time.

After the first meet,you continue to visit my shop as often. I wondering were you so addicted to cyber cafe or you up to something no good.But days after days you come and go you leave a very deep impression to me that your a good guy..then you started to ask for my phone number. It was the first time, a guy actually ask for my phone number. I was shock, but i accept your offer and write down my number to you.

You may say is a cute start, because, i really waited for your call and msgs...i waited, then suddenly a strange number rings my phone. I was so joyful when i first receive your msg, we keep each others hands busy for the past few days. Until on 1 October, you ask me "may you be my girl friend, im really serious, please consider me." I was scare at first, this is my first relationship with a guy, but later the happiness grow larger larger in me. Then i ask you to come and meet me, to show how serious you are.

The next day October 3, you come in the early 11am looking for me. I was really happy that day, because i swear that i found a person that may hold me to the end of my life...

In our couple life, we has alot of happy times, and too bad times. As 1 years 2 years go by, our arguement grows more and in time it reduce our love to each outer..

Till today, i was force to release my hand from you, because you refer that our relationship was hard and stressful.

Ken,thank you for caring for this 2years, im really happy. Maybe i should have treat you better when i have the chance,now i could just say " I love you, Ken, from the bottom of my heart, i will always love you..."