Ups and downs..

Just finish writing an explanation letter to a clinical instructor that insulted me...

It was a bad day to me on 30 august 2010, morning work, and been posted to follow a very moody clinical instructor that vent her bad mood on us that day. It was the worse day of posting ever. I been scold, insult, cry infront of my junior cause i felt i'm not able to accept all this insultation. It was wrong for her to do that, but i was just a student. She told us that is what nursing is, but i would like to tell her it is evil, nursing student don't deserve insultation, they deserve knowledge,care, good teaching in order for them to learn. Well should we admit that she's a bad and worse guidence to us, Yes.

I admit im a weak person inside, maybe outside it seem strong and brave,but im still human. I felt weak that day, feeling like giving up what i always wanted to be, but i stood on my knees and i take in all the heat that is on me. God sent me here for a purpose, i want to be here to serve him, but im too weak, too afraid to seek his face. I wanted to be strong like Him, but inside of me God put in a pure and soft heart. I was never strong, but i was not always weak. I done my part for God, it was not perfect but i done my best, God see it as is good. But i know in my heart it is not enough, i wanted to do more, but i stood there running to reach nothing in life. Im still in the same point of life when others run so far a head of me. i started to douth myself, douth why im here, at this position where everything come so worse on me by facing her. I cry, i hate her, but i coulden't do anything. I wanted to seek God's face,but my body hides my soul from reaching Him. He was there, looking , observing, waiting..

God give my life ups and down, i take it all in, i accept it as i can..but i really tired to continue to be what i am..God bless me..and my family.