Still living in Life..

A license, a Job, a Goal...

2012-01-08T01:27:00.000-08:00

Just some call back, i have graduate, with a register license in my hand, a job awaiting for me, I believe is a start for a new set goal~ Maybe i could have a few~ The first day i step into the college, until now i have finish my diploma, times just so fast, now only i realize i'm in the new realm of my life. In this new year, i share it with my family, a new born baby, a man who i loved, friends that appreciated. Things just in it own place, as i know God has it plan nicely for me~ i love You, my Father in Heaven. 2011 was a tired year, studying, sharing, releasing, earning, helping, knowing new people. But, i still enjoy it, because from all the tiredness, i earn trust, love, and honesty. As i walk and cross over to 2012, i know there will be more for me to know, to learn, to establish. I want to follow my Lords foot step and grow, for there is always "impossible, difficult and Done" in life, but i know there will always be 2 foot print on the walk , as i will be waking with God in this year and every year to come.

The journey to the top

2012-01-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

As the new year comes, i enjoy my last few days with my friend, and take a short journey to Batu Caves. Even is just a short journey,but we enjoyed it well. Still remember the last time i went to batu cave, i was only 12years old. The stairs was just a little higher by then, but now it is just "is not that high as i think it will be". Funny how hard is to climbing up, our feet gets heavy, but we were climbing and climbing. But when come to the road to comes down, its just easy~laugh out loud~^^

I really have to thank my friend Priya, she was by my site, explaining the histories of Batu caves, and bringing me to temple to temple and tell me about the Indian gods. From what i could remember, batu cave was dark, smelly and dirty. But today, i can even see the mini mart in there. How great is the human mind, to make business going in this cave. The questions, that kept striking my mind was " How they bring up the big soda machine up to the cave ar??"

2012-01-06T14:51:00.000-08:00

Stepped in church again after a long period of time, seeking for the face of God, whom always given me Peace and Wisdom. As i open my long kept bible in my hand, i read through the pages, i realize i been too long away from God, he is actually speaking to me from the words of the bible. Instantly i realize i'm just like Habakkuk in the old book. With lots of complain in my prayers, but end with gratefulness at the end. When you read from the bible there is written "Through prayer The just shall live by faith". Where is the faith in me, before i open my mind and toughs to my Lord. Today I open my mouth and speak in tongues, i know i speak in God's language to pray to talk with Him. Yet i realize, i actually being scare to pray to my Lord, as i doesn't know how to lean on Him. I forgotten how to hold tight to my Father in heaven and receive His love. As His child i known really little of Him, how much love He willing to give, how much blessing He await to share to me and my family. I stood there in my place at my sit inside the church, thinking, wondering, praying, as loud and louder i pray, i felt relief. From all that i been through without knowing God is beside me, i felt unworthy, but God is still here with me. In a sudden i ask myself where is my faith? Why i'm so scare? Where am i complaining when i loss my faith? Isn't God is the mighty God? Then why are you so tends? Question shout to me, bring me to a level of spike! A drop of tear run down my chin, and i realize, how much God, wants me here..how much i want to be with Him.. I hope i can always always hold your hand my Father.. to live in faith..

You~

2011-10-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

When your around me, i found a smile always on my face, i giggle for you, i dress up for you, i walk properly for you, i stare you in your eyes as your the star of my life. But when your not around me, i found that every person or car that pass by me, i imaging of your image all around me. When i see a my vy, i look at the driver isn't you? When i saw a person wearing yellow t-shirt i think of yours. When i see a person wear slipper, i will think of you. Is that love? Or isn't just you? ~

Jus another day of everything.

2011-08-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

Often in life we met people who want to make us down, they often take chances to boom us, but remember one thing when u met these people, God is looking from above. They used their finger to point at us, but they don't realized that there is still 4 fingers pointing at themselves.

while maybe people just cant see that others live a better life than them. For their friendships build on lies, joules, make used of friends. They might not realize it, but they are doing so just to get benefit from another party. No matter how high they live, but without their respects to others they are just poor as beggars. How high they can reach is just the limit of low dignity.

They can act so nice and good to others, but inside there is nothing but hatred, joules, evil toughs. They run on circles, can't find their way out to live up. Life is much more better without them, but without them we might not see how much we grow, and how much further we can go.

Is in my blood...

2011-05-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

Is been a long time since i pray so hard till my eyes see vision and speak the blessed word from God. I'm real don't deserved it, i'm nobody, i'm a servant a dog of God, thats what i am. But, i still remember once my pastor was sending a msg to us, where God does not choose the big people, God choose the small people to do great things.

My hands are shaking till my heart beat increasing...when i read the bible story book to my sister and her baby in her womb. I know how strong is the word of God, even if i'm scared i will continue to praise His word's. It means so much to my sister, when i see her eye's, i know that God is making way for her and her family in law's to get closer to God.

Every night when i hold her hand for praying, i hear and see visions from God. Tonight from my mouth, God's words reach me by telling "For this baby is the key for her and her in laws her husband to get near to God". A word that i never think of using, when i say it i felt peace in me, i know at that point is from God. Till now i'm still shaking,but i will say out loud, even if a knife is held on my neck.

God, i know Your Almighty is here with my all the time, please make a way for me to go back to you. I know i'm not worthy, i know i'm not good enough, but please let me stand up for You my King,my Lord. I'm lost without you...

A friend who is in need..

2011-04-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

Was looking trough my blog list of friends, i found her blog in my list, from her language and words she shown that she is a well educated girl, maybe a bit rumble at times in life , but she is still holding on.

I never known her well in this 2years time, to me she is just a friend who sit beside me at class. But one day , a person told me regarding her condition at the college, she is slimming down a lot. I notice at times, i told her to take care of herself, but it seem she is not that concern. From that person i talk to, i realize she has treated me as a good friend since we know each other. i was shock at time, but when i recall back she does like to talk with me at times, and i'm been caring for her that which i don't realize, maybe to me is just a simple words of caring, but to her i been a nice person to her. Funny how things turn out between us, i made a good friend, when i don't realize it.

I head back home that day and lay on my bed, thinking a head of what the person has said, she has treated me as a good friend, i should be more concern about her too. I started to think bout plans to know her more, maybe go shopping with her, or even have movies together. But all this is just thinking, the most important thing to me is how to approach her. How to let a person understand that i'm coming towards you to be you friend? I'm real confused...

Maybe when i meet her, i should be able to come clean with her, i just want to let her know i want to be your friend not based on what others has told me, but i i want to be your friend as a a friends. Words is not easy to come out sometime right? Just let time tell us.

Life at this point...

2011-04-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

Life at this point is well, all goes fine, lots of support from my family and friends. Study is fine, practical i done my best, life i'm controlling with rational doing. But, when all this is proceeding well, i started to think of my future as a working personal in the hospital, so much to plan and think, to achieve.

At that moment i wanted more, i believe i can do it, is just the matter of time.Discuss it with my family member, mum told me is a great planning, at my age i'm doing well and life is not much of a problem as a student now. But, from my sister she saids that "your plan is good, but you might never know what is a head of you". As she says, it does bring up points that life is not a straight path way, is full of ups and downs. When come to think of it early planning involved lots of thinking and planning, i started to think over and over again, maybe i'm too rushing over my future, i might not known what will happen to me tomorrow. Life is short just go with it!

Friends...

2011-02-18T18:14:00.000-08:00

Well, when things come to this limit, is really hard to manage anymore. People are often offensive, to protect their rite, is nothing wrong with that, just listen to what they have to say. But it does not mean they are right, and neither u are right.

Childish is sometimes a word of insult, but don't worry God will take in the word of insult. Just being a normal you will be fine, cause all this hardship is a part of life. Whatever things has to happen is God's plan, nothing is to change, because God has been to tomorrow before we reach there.

Tired? Maybe, really don't think that this is a right way to deal with it. So just let it be, if i'm wrong i know what to do, but if someone is wrong just let it go God will know how to deal with them. You may not change what a person thinks, but you can build up the trust in yourself. Nothing is worth to argue when you still treat them as friends.

I'm sry..

2011-02-14T17:27:00.000-08:00

When things start to be good in our life, people tends to forget their God..

I'm one of the people that forgets,how God used to hold my hand and pass through the painful, cruel journey in my life..i still remember once i was so depress in a point that lose my faith to my King..i release my temper in many ways to insult God, but eventually i'm embarrassing myself..i still can felt that the tear from above that pours on me when i say all the insulting words i had made...

I often do a lots of "sinful" stuff in my life, i curse, i'm angry most of the time. And i end up embarrassing myself to other n God when i do that... I felt so stupid at times i wanted to throw away my shame and pride which does not exist in God's eye. I often forget the humbleness,the faith, the love that i once produce to my King and Lord. When i try to stand up on my feet and reach for God, my body stops me due to temptation, i know i'm in a wrong direction, but i don't seem to repent on what i'm doing..i admit i'm a sinner.

God, please plan me a way to redeem my humbleness to You, i'm so tired of walking blindly and don't look into You plans for me, i maybe strong on outside, but within me i'm weak and full of sins. God, i know i'm not alone, Your always here for me, but i'm indeed a lost sheep who could not find her way back home..i'm in the dark bush, i need light to show me the right path home...

I bend my knees and look to the stars above, and i know God is looking above to me...God, i'm sorry that i'm such a sinner who brings back scar and wound to You for healing, but i run away again once i'm heal up..

Bye Ken...

2011-01-27T05:49:00.000-08:00

To my memory i meet u on 2008 July...You were this high school guy with a beg walking in to the shop i was working...where at that time i can say i'm just a elder sister..

To me, my first impression to you was that i felt you were so connected to me,and cause me do have Delusion that like wise we know each other for a long long time.

After the first meet,you continue to visit my shop as often. I wondering were you so addicted to cyber cafe or you up to something no good.But days after days you come and go you leave a very deep impression to me that your a good guy..then you started to ask for my phone number. It was the first time, a guy actually ask for my phone number. I was shock, but i accept your offer and write down my number to you.

You may say is a cute start, because, i really waited for your call and msgs...i waited, then suddenly a strange number rings my phone. I was so joyful when i first receive your msg, we keep each others hands busy for the past few days. Until on 1 October, you ask me "may you be my girl friend, im really serious, please consider me." I was scare at first, this is my first relationship with a guy, but later the happiness grow larger larger in me. Then i ask you to come and meet me, to show how serious you are.

The next day October 3, you come in the early 11am looking for me. I was really happy that day, because i swear that i found a person that may hold me to the end of my life...

In our couple life, we has alot of happy times, and too bad times. As 1 years 2 years go by, our arguement grows more and in time it reduce our love to each outer..

Till today, i was force to release my hand from you, because you refer that our relationship was hard and stressful.

Ken,thank you for caring for this 2years, im really happy. Maybe i should have treat you better when i have the chance,now i could just say " I love you, Ken, from the bottom of my heart, i will always love you..."

Grateful

2010-12-29T20:55:00.000-08:00

I've have been reading about some documentaries regarding burn patient, such as Katie piper, Saline, and patient who is suffering from burn or acid burn attack.

It makes me wonder how blessed i am that God give me a healthy body, a great life, a wonderful soul. I understand that looks is just a small gift from God's hand, when come and think of other matter such as a great Family, and great life.

Who am i compare to the burn patient, i'm not strong as them to face their life, i'm no match for them when facing my fear,my pain,my tears. Thats why i'm so grateful to what i have now,i learn not to complain or hate things around me. From what i see and read, all these burn patient really give me an inspiration of gratefulness, and courage to live a better life. Not from fame, money or even for better beauty, but live a life with fullness, grateful, forgiveness, love, and care and faith.

In my heart, i pray for the people that have no family, no life, no face as like a burn patient. I pray that they will raise up to face their fear, i pray that God will lay his mighty hand on them, with blessing, with love, with cure.

In the coming years to come,
I pray that there is no war, but with peace.
I pray that there is no disaster, but with strong land holding us.
I pray that there is no killing, but live with love and forgiveness.
I pray that the earth is not destroy, and to redeem our nature.
I pray that God's blessing, will bless us to learn to love and be grateful.

Thank you.

A new year to come..

2010-12-21T05:31:00.000-08:00

A year has past, and another year is coming...
For the past one year, it was great, even there is time of down, but most of it good times and memory.
I believe today is really a tough day for year 2010, it was my last practical exam called "OSCE"...it was no that easy for me,compare with others in my class...really losing my mind, as this is my first time getting such low marks for a station i believe, i done some thing wrong, that i cant really get off my mind, is keeping recalling recalling in my brain cells..i'm stress up with it when i see most of my friends is confident with it.

Well all done is been done, now i only can wait for my results, to see how i "well" i score my exam results....God bless me ..

Insultation...

2010-09-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

When Jesus was been arested, people torn His skin with weapons, put on a torn crown on His head, alot of torture take place. But one i could never forget was that how people insulted Him..is was much more painfull when people around you insulted u, the feeling of an really unwanted pain.

In life,we always had to face alot of people , who tends to pull u down from triying to do you best. They often insult you, put you under a situation that you cannat baered with it. There is a feeling of anger and weakness inside you when you been insultation, a unpleasent feeling. A feeling of unsecureness, tragic, that you will always keep in mind forever.

If i ask today, who of us never been scold, insulted infront by people, it may be a lie. Is not easy to forget what we have been,but when you been insulted please remember that Jesus been insulted 100 times more than you do. Kept that in mind...

Ups and downs..

2010-08-31T08:47:00.002-07:00

Just finish writing an explanation letter to a clinical instructor that insulted me...

It was a bad day to me on 30 august 2010, morning work, and been posted to follow a very moody clinical instructor that vent her bad mood on us that day. It was the worse day of posting ever. I been scold, insult, cry infront of my junior cause i felt i'm not able to accept all this insultation. It was wrong for her to do that, but i was just a student. She told us that is what nursing is, but i would like to tell her it is evil, nursing student don't deserve insultation, they deserve knowledge,care, good teaching in order for them to learn. Well should we admit that she's a bad and worse guidence to us, Yes.

I admit im a weak person inside, maybe outside it seem strong and brave,but im still human. I felt weak that day, feeling like giving up what i always wanted to be, but i stood on my knees and i take in all the heat that is on me. God sent me here for a purpose, i want to be here to serve him, but im too weak, too afraid to seek his face. I wanted to be strong like Him, but inside of me God put in a pure and soft heart. I was never strong, but i was not always weak. I done my part for God, it was not perfect but i done my best, God see it as is good. But i know in my heart it is not enough, i wanted to do more, but i stood there running to reach nothing in life. Im still in the same point of life when others run so far a head of me. i started to douth myself, douth why im here, at this position where everything come so worse on me by facing her. I cry, i hate her, but i coulden't do anything. I wanted to seek God's face,but my body hides my soul from reaching Him. He was there, looking , observing, waiting..

God give my life ups and down, i take it all in, i accept it as i can..but i really tired to continue to be what i am..God bless me..and my family.

What is love..

2010-08-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

Love...

When we first met,you have your eyes on me,in your heart i was special,i was someone that makes your heart beat faster,leads your mind in east. You control your breathing,and your take a deep breath to refresh your mind. For the first sight is was perfect, i was perfect. When you return home, your mind your heart was all around me, you wanted to see me again, you know that is was love. You lay down on your bed that night thinking of me, what am i doing,will i be in the same place tomorrow when you reach the same point you meet me today. Your heart wish to meet me again, the same place,the same girl. As the clock tike every second, and your eyes close as your body grow tired, tired and you went into your dreams where there is my image in it..love..

The very morning you open your eyes,take your morning bath,and had your first meal in the morning. With full preparation your walk on the road and your mind reminded your of a image that your been repeating it in your mind. It was the image of me,the girl who taken your sight,your perfect sight. With beating heart, with sweating hands your run faster as usual to reach your destination, our meeting point. When you almost reach, from far away you seem my shadow, as fast as your can run,you wish you could fly so that you can see clearly my smile. When you stop infront of me, i look at the boy infront of me with sweating face,i give your a friendly smile. It was a smile that melts your heart, it was sweet, the sweetest gift your had ever have. You stunted there for 15mins, without speaking, until your watch my shadow leave your far away by going on to my work place, you wanted to breath, but you seem to forgot to. 1,2,15 mins your realize i already leave your behind, then you wake up from your day dream. To me, you were cute, i admit you look funny that day.

Day by day, you came and go hoping to see my face. You pass by my work place,and slow down your steps wish to see me. When i realize you were outside, i will show you a friendly smile, and you felt it was a blessing to see your angel God had shown you. I felt you nervious when you decide to spoke to me, you put on a big smile and greet me with shaking hands. When i responded, you seem relieve, there was happiness in you eyes. From that day onwards, you will step in to the cafe everyday that i was working just to speak to me. Everytime we spoke, our heart grow more and more near togather. I konw you was up to something, it was me you hoping to hold on.

On a very fine day, as usual you step into the cafe, but you look extra nervious. You make you order, with trumbling words, i sense that there was something different in you, but i kept quite. When i pest you food on your table you open you words, " I would like to date with you?". I stop my hand, and look at you for a second, then i reply "im working, sorry.". You were disappointed, but you put on a smile in you face, " ok". With disappointment, you leave the cafe, the day was full with disappointment, but you take it all in. The next day, you did't not come to the cafe as usual, days, weeks..i suddenly felt wired when there was no you in the cafe. There was a sense of sadness in me, could it be because i miss you...

After a few weeks of missing in action, you show up infront of the cafe on a ranning morning. Standing outside of the cafe, there was the image that i miss so much. With a breath, you hand over your hand phone,saying "may i have you number?". Again i stop for a second, then i smile and reply " Yes". The happiness in you was so great until you shout out "YES". And there it is with a smile and a great hope, you wnet home, and text out the first msg to me. It was not easy, but it was a start. You waited me to reply, and you pray with faith that i will reply. In 3mins time, your phone ring, and there it was our starting point.

Msg sent in and out everyday, until i realize there was something in you that is making me felt diffent, i know in my heart it was love. I believe you sense my feeling too. Then you texted me one day, saying that "can i have a chance to hold you hand, and make you my girl friend...". There was no reply, but there was dicisions..your phone ring and it was "maybe, you should tell me in person, i already had my decision, just that i need to tell it to you front." With a nervious hreat i reply you, i don't know what future is instald in us, but i willing to give it a try, i believe in my heart.

The next morning, you came very early, standing infront of me you seem more hard to breath. You look into my eyes, and said "May i know your anwser". i could not open my mouth, because my face was all red like a tomato, and i knot. You were relieve, and you look at me with teary eyes, you were too happy to say anything anymore. Both of us stunted, it was a start..with faith we held on to each other.. to love.

It was not long after we have our first date, you were quite for the first day. We walk in the mall,slowly and i was trying to make you to start talk with me. Suddenly, you hold my hand and turn you face away bacause you were to nervious to look at me. In a second, both of us turn into two big tomato face, our body tempreture connected to each other, it was love heat. I remove my hand from yours when i realize our heat has reach a boiling point. You try to hold my hand again, but this time you held out your hand slowly and hold my hand, i hold it tight back too this time. It was a "hot" date indeed.

Date per date we hold our hands,it was shaky there first few times, lots of tomatos was form. Happiness hits our every date to a hot boiling point. But today, this date was different, as usual you sent me to take the bus for home, you held my hands infront of me and kiss my forehead gently. It was beutiful..love..

Time run so fast ahead of us,our love grow stronger and greater every second of our time, we share happiness, we also share sadness, disappointments. I still remember that day it was our usual date, the first time you hug me , and place you lips to mine,it was not a acception,but i take it because it was you..is for our love.

One day, a letter was mail to my address, was a offer letter to further my studies "nursing". I was not happy, nor grateful because my new destination was 1,000,000 step away from home, from you. I make a called to you, and with a deep voice i told you the "good" news. You didn't sound suprise,maybe you already know what was i aiming in my life. I put down the phone, and look at the offer letter and tears run down my cheek,so warm that i could feel it run down my face. It was not what i hoping for when i already have you. It was another date with you tomorrow, but i seem to be afraid to attend, i was scare.

The next morning, it was a rainny day, it shares the same feeling that i was having. Infront of you i try to hide it, the fear of livng far away appart from you. You know what was on my mind, you try to avoid it, but what has to come it has to come. I open our worries, " i always wanted to be nurse, this is my plan, but now there is you, there is a connection with you, i don't want to attend this, if you just say you want me to stay." Without replying, you shown you smile, and said " if you wanted to give up your dream for me, you will regret for your life, i will not want you to stay behind with me, i want you to run forward to reach you goal. Takes this as a tast for us, for our love..don't worry, i believe distence will not block our love for each others, have faith in me, and to yourself." The rain sounded very loud when we both kept silence, stronger until we can hear the rain drops drop in the land...

In a months time, i already pack my begs and prepare my heart to face my new "ocupation" in life. You were supportive, but i was always with douth, but you were there to comfort me. You held on my hand and promise that no matter what, in his hreat he had taken me as him forever love, no one can change my position in his hreat, it is true and pure. With a haevy hreat, i take my ride to this new future, it was not easy at frist, alot of tears and cry was around me, but i take it all in because when there was tears you would wipe it off with you hand, and reduce the pain with you love. We were apart for more than a year, things was just maintain itself, bacause you told me to have faith in you.

But when there was a distence love do reduce,we started with everyday msg until weekly msg, there was a different feeling when i receive your msg, there was no more hear but a sense of "ice cold" feeling. You started to open new line of life that does not involved me, there was no more sweetness, nor comfort in you to me. You were different when we talk on the phone, conversation was shorter and more quiteness between us, until you close down the gate for me to enter you hreat. I tried to ask you, but you denied everytime when i confest to you my feeling in you. Douth was filling my mind again,more and more until i felt tired to continue anymore..so tired i don't want to held on my phone to read you "ice-cole" msg. There was no love...but there was more strangers in you to me.. there it is love...gone..

The sense of Key broad...

2010-08-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

Is been few months since i had my hand on a key broad..i really miss it, the snese of the key broad is on my hands when i touch a flat area..my hands starts to play around with it..is its me, o i really miss the muzic in my ears...

when can i c "You" again..i really need "You"..

Black....

2010-07-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

Is been a long time since i write anything here...things are just going around in my life so fast and i unable to catch it. Sometimes i wish that i could stop and redo some of my mistake.Repeat, rewrite,redo,rethink,replay....can i?

if i can the 1st thing i wish to do is to retake my life from the age of 5years old.Where things are still fresh, new in my life.So that i may changed it to the way i like...maybe change who i am then,so i would not be what i am nw. I could kept my mind at the top point so that i can do the right thing,plan the right way,walk the true steps. But all this is just "maybe"... If i knw by than what im i facing in the future, i would do my best to build my basic knowledge when i was young. If I would fix my toughts when i can to do what is right and good for me. But as i say is still "if"...

Things just gone off of hand this few months, im heart is so dark...so blur... i don't know what God would plan for me next...i could only wish and pray...

My head are full of worries, and problems... when, how , why , where should i go...

I don't know ...

I head of this that "don't worry about tomorrow, because God is already there". Yes God is there before all of us...i just hope that God can lead me to the right path im going to do next...i want to do better than i was before...i need to think and write and plan my way that God has given to me. I hope im doing the right things that God wants me to do...i better get it right..

I'm right!

2010-04-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

Hey, had tired week this week...

Was posted to a surgical ward,sponging alot(1 to 1 sponging), i alone done 4 spong...swt...broke record...><"..

Done 1 off drain that i reli comfident with, bt de CI say i was not sure wat im doing...swt!!

But im knw im right,2day going to talk with her,not for the stupid cross but i wan to knw wat im "blur" about in the procedure. Why la there is no chinese CI in the hospital...

Wat i learn in this week is alwaz get ur right when u knw ppl misundrstand u!

Im alwaz i diam diam gal in everyway, bt i knw 1 thing in my heart, i will nvr been bully by some ppl that think im "blur".. jus wan to tell them helo im a 3 pointer ok!

Nvr kept diam diam when things come over u..do ur rights n fight back! Remember!

2010-04-25T06:39:00.000-07:00

stress....stress...stress....!!!!!!!

2010-04-18T20:09:00.001-07:00

Fell so weak this few weeks,trying to lay down all things just to relax my mind..

Posting has already started for 3weeks...time jus flow like that,none stop!!! Really didn't realize that, i keep on repeating the same thing day by day...no changes,maybe i already used to it. Morning wake up brush teeth, iron my uniform, tidy up my room, sweap floor, wash cloths, open my laptop n watch movie then around 11am start to bath n wear de uniform go down to then waiting area to wait for de bus, reach de hospital at 12.30pm, take my lunch then go to de ward that i posted, start taking report at 2pm, start work at 3pm then work work work...repeatation...

Saturday youth,sunday church..same same same...i suddenly wonder do i have anything more to do...><"...

Tired...

2010-03-14T07:12:00.000-07:00

Have you ever feel empty in you that you don't knw how to express...
Have you ever feel disappointed with someone that you care most...
Have you ever feel tired when you care so much for a person but they did not care...

Today i felt so tired..tired of myself, i have been giving so much to someone i care so deeply, but he just seem to don't realize it. What else i can do to let him understand, i'm just so tired...i'm tired of keep on giving and he has no responses.

He always said that i'm his princess, he love me so much that he can take in all my temper my anger on to him...yes he do..but human is just always wanted more...what i want is not just a sence of care..

We always plan our life that one day we will marry and get alot of kids...but he never start to do it...
he didn't save his money, to him getting a new hand phone is more important than our future..

I really tired, really disappointed...how long more i have to wait for him to become a grown up...WHEN....

I just don't want to take his calls..don't want to read his msgs...don't want to hear his voice...don't want him to sing bed time songs to me...

our life...

2009-11-04T03:55:00.000-08:00

This week i'm been posted to columbia asia at SS17,is a extended care unit,inside is all patient with weak illness..stroke,fracture,coma,accident patient,mental retarded...many many of them are on bed....

The 1st impression you might give the patient is pity...sence of sad..that is wat i feel...the worst and sad part was i saw christians.There is a past pastor,he been leave by his family there for few years,n when i ask him do he still pray he said no..the word jus broke my heart..his mental stages is weak,he do not know alot of things.I sang to him "How great is our God,sing with me how great is our God",then he told me that is a good song.I believe in his heart there is still songs of and voice of GOd in his spirit,Thank God!!!

But when i reach another room i saw a coma patient,her room wall has a card with a prayer of healing by her side..but when i look at her there is no sence of normality with her..she could not see me,nor hear me..then my tears run pass my eyes..oh my Lord come n heal this women infront of me...please...please...the only thing i can do was only a prayer...simple prayer...

Then another room i went in,there is a indian women,she has been stiff with her whole body due to the long years of laying on bed...with her was a poster writen on it is "Jesus,loved me..."yes Jesus loved her...loved her so must..that i can sence the tears n sound of crying of the Lord in that room...Jesus,just holding her with tears..blessingss.. When i hold her hand with my hand,she was affraid,her eyes is with fear...i believe in her past life there had bad things happend to her,that she might not able to tell...Lord had your send me here to see all things...
my King,my Lord,my refuge,my God..come to this hospital,come into this peoples life,let them open thier eyes n ears to see n hear You again, let them praise You again,let them walk into Your church with thier legs again,let them sang Your songs again,let them worship again...

Read this msg people,see how bless n gratefull that you are to had eyes and ears to do Gods work again..

When i writing this blog...i i'm in tears,in fear,in pain...open ur eyes my frens,so that you may live long in then Land of the Lord with health...pray when u read this msg...so that people with this kind of conditin receive the blessing from the Lord..don't be selfish of your prayers,b'coz that is a gift from the Almighty Lord...

Forgiveness~

2009-11-02T06:02:00.001-08:00

matt.6:14-15...'For you forgive men when they sin against you, youe haevenly father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive men their sin,your Father will not forgive your sins.
matt.18:35...'This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart'.

I remember when i 1st come into nursing i really duno de the true word wat is to forgive..to me..forgive is jus a word o a simple action....but now only i realize,forgiveness from de heart is so hard n meaningfull....

God made us whole,to do great things in the world for Him,He will nvr skip His Blessing to who in front of Him n jump to another person,He will pass over every single life,n 'x-ray' them as He will.That means,everyone of us is important in God eyes,we should not fight,shall not hide from others,coz we were mean to go into then Kingdom of God in one day n meet again..there is no need to hide ur true side,but to open wide so that God can do great things in us..forgiving to each others...then our Heavenly Father wiil forgive us too.

I had problems with some frens before,i was sad...real sad...then only i realize,to get an forgiveness from a fren is so hard...so hard...i felt tat to knee down to him/her is much easy then treating them well...but i can't do tat for i will only knee down to my Heavenly Father.When i realize tat,God give me a patience heart,n humble me infront of others. I was bless n
God give me a path to walk pass evil,temptation lost it shadow when the Lord stand beside me.He told me to have a forgiving hreat,so that who hates me will forgive me,who crush my true love will love me again.When i have a forgiving heart,i had the blessing in me...Halelujah~^^~

Time....

2009-09-06T17:32:00.000-07:00

Is been 1month i didn't blog...since my stressing week....finally i'm up again.....
Exam is coming soon..but i do think i'm still not prepare.My life was a mess for de past few weeks. Tired of couse is on my mind,i haven't touch a book,nor a notes...time just flu pass my hands that i could't able to catch it...
Every night i close my eyes n lay on my bed..i just wonder how mach more time can God give me...i'm still standing on de same point since de day i hold on his hand...untill that day i was singing to my Lord in His house,i hear Him..asking me "what are u doing here",i can felt my feet with fire,burning it..i just have de sence to run and run faster...i believe God wanted me to run to another point since i'm still sleep walking in His presents...

wordless....

2009-08-10T02:38:00.000-07:00

Having a very moody day 2day...ppl around u jus seem to be hiding somewhere when u need to jus talk....very down till i can't even rest my eyes to take a good nap...

Everything jus seem to deep deep deep down 2day...even de sky is cloudy...it makes me feel more strees up...dark dark dark...haiz...

Well i jus do wat i do best lay down on my bed n sleep till next morning 5am then get up to work for another day...
sweat....

All Depends on GoD~

2009-08-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

When we are in need i often look for who's help...i guess no1 then to help u when u come forward to them....but 1 person always stand besite u and waiting u to ask any help from Him even He knows it is a Big help,He is willing to.. Just pray..He will say..i will come to u.
This 2days i was sick.. my mum ask me to come her house so that she can take care of me,but i refused,coz i worried i may make her sick too..so i remain staying in my hostel... i was so weak and yeti still manage to take care of myself. i tend to felt lonely when everyone is posting at hospital n my classmate all went home o shopping...(i was singing "lonely~i'm so lonely~"haha)...wat a day i had...then i start to pray..ever with a weak voice i know God still hear my prayer.I just pray for wellness in me...my tears jus start coming down drop by drop.. i tell god how i was missing my friends in church..sound of worship..the song we sing...the prayer we made..gathering...i was so missing it...jus pray that i can be free from sickness soon..get back to the usual me...Amen...

"God with us"

2009-08-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today was a busy day...class was so pack for 3 days for pharmacology...(7am till 5pm...my sweet sweet naping time...bye bye...T.T...)...but what is worse is i'm having my formative exam tis thursday!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!...just pray girl...remember that Jesus is with you~
Even class was pack but i still didn't forget to share time with my Heavenly Father~i realized that for all this 4years i been with my bible,i never read de new testament of Matthew..(i have start but stop at chapter 1...><"...lazy me...)... So i took out my bible n start to read from start,but without reading chapter 1 coz is all intro bout sons & sons of who...(that i naver able to memorize coz wit my limited memory card in me)....
i was reading chapter to chapter out loud..n can felt de presents of de Holy Spirit within me...i bursed into tears,but i keep on reading,ppl in my hostel dome was all looking at me(coz i was reading n praying at de living room)...i can hear them talk behind me,but i dun want to stop reading coz i wanted to know GoD more n more...
One specific verse was (Matthew 1:23)~"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son,and thay call him immanuel"-which means "God with us". It reminds me that once a church member of mine write on my hand in chinese is "yi ma ne ya" and translate as Jesus love u..well then after few week i went back and ask my cell leader what is de meaning of "yi ma ne ya",and she too tell me de same meaning.I was so glad God give me this word when i was in great stress...praise de Lord with my heart~
When i was reading chapter by chapter then i read the verse of The Temptation of Jesus(chapter4 verse 3-4) it writen 3 The tempter came to Jesus and said,"If you are the Son of God,tell these stonses to become bread."
Jesus answered,"It is written:'Man does not live on bread alone,but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."
When i read this verse i felt so touch head because Jesus was right,as christian we does not live on food o cloths alone,as is said in de bible that "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,for they will be filled".No worry about life coz for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own...
After chapter by chapter i stop at chapter6,i pray for few ppl that is importhat in my life,n ppl that i pray that i would build in friendship more and more...God is Great~i loved him,n i believe alot of us do too~
my post end here 2day...(and dun tell me for all i have writen u dunno wat i'm write k...=.="....if u really dun understand,jus read de bible la...=P)...praise de Lord~Amen~

My Lord And only King~

2009-08-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

Life is getting better...but i felt so lost sometimes...lost in study...lost in time...n most of all lost in me...
But i believe God has plan a wonderfull thing for me in front...jus waiting for me to open my eyes...n look at Him..i know his waiting for me to grow in spirit & heal in my lost soul...praise de Lord in His Great name~Almighty GoD~i loved Him~^^~
last week when i attend church,i start to remember back de 1st time i attended GA611(GREaT ARMy 611),i was go blur...><"...(OMG what i'm doing here!!!!)...but when we all start to worship,i felt the Holy Spirit in me. I break into taers...& cry out so hard till i can felt my heart flows so fast till i can't control...then i realize i lost my way so long n on that night i found Jesus again.. Now time has already past 7months...i now felt the Holy Spirit in me everytime i preach God's word. Holy Spirit touch so deep into my heart that i felt so blessed to be able to preach my Heavenly Father's word. Hallelujah~~~
Now my heart is with the Lord~i will always praise de Lord in his mighty name by praying de
way home & worship Him by sing n dance...(dun get me wrong i'm not crazy,but only crazy for de Lord...hehe..=P)~~~~
Amen~